hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
