When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I would fuck him just for his dog
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
