I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
