No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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