I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
