did you get engaged???
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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