she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
