she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
