I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
