I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
