do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
