You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
