She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
