Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You have to summon your inner elephant
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
