Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
