apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
