Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
