You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
