I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
