Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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