Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
