Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
