Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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