Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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