girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize