Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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