I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
