Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
