3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize