only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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