My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sorry about my life...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
