just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
