you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize