I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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