I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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