I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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