Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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