If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Will exercising make me less horny?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
