I hate your face
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
