so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
