I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
