I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
