bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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