i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize