I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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