Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
