Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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