You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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