My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
