My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
