literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
