Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
