Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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