I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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