yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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