Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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