rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
