you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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