you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
