I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
