it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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