I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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