I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
