i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
