And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
