I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize