i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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