69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
These tits shall not be calmed
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